Footprints In The Sand

These past like, two months I haven't had a facebook.  I got sick of sitting on my butt, scrolling down looking at all of my friends having fun at college.  It made me feel sick.  I have no friends, really, and I know I chose to stay home and go to school rather than moving out and live "the college life".  So really, I put myself in this situation.  But, I did it for a reason.  I knew if I moved out and went to college some place other than Salt Lake Community College, than Colton and I would have not made it as far as we are now.  I had a choice and I chose to stay home, support Colton, and be here for him so he can feel content with leaving.  Not being on facebook has helped me in ways.  It has made it so I don't rely on looking at other people's lives 24/7 and instead, think of mine, but I do miss talking to my friends, and I believe that it helps me "get out there" with my art.  Right now, I feel I am in limbo.  Colton and I are happy to spend time together and we have a lot of fun, but it's just hard knowing at the end of the day that he will be gone soon.  I just can't wait for that day to come when I can feel good about everything and understand why it is good for Colton to be out serving.  Of course I understand that a mission will be one of the best things for him, but I want the day to come where it doesn't hurt anymore.  My work friends are all I have.  Thursday we were all pretty much baring our testimonies and planned on going to the temple Saturday then out to eat.  The spirit was with us and we all felt it.  I love those days.  I was so excited to be with a group of girls and be with friends!  But.. it didn't end up working out.  Maybe we will go this week... I really need to get to the temple.  I know I am just going through a hard stage in my life right now and one day I will understand why.  I know that others out there are going through much, much harder times and that I need to feel blessed for all that I have.  This is when I need to focus on that light at the end of the tunnel.  My mom told me that sometimes we need to make the wrong decisions in order to know what the right one is.  All I know is that I have faith that I will be okay, both Colton and I.  These days are when I like to read the poem, "Footprints In The Sand", that is hanging up on my wall.  

footprints in the sand

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. 
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky. 
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. 
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, 
other times there was one only. 
This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, 
when I was suffering from anguish, 
sorrow or defeat, 
I could see only one set of footprints, 
so I said to the Lord, 
“ You promised me Lord, 
that if I followed you, 
you would walk with me always. 
But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life 
there has only been one set of footprints in the sand. 
Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?”
The Lord replied, 
“ The years when you have seen only one set of footprints, 
my child, is when I carried you.”

—Author Mary Stevenson—